Green Cows

I had an interesting conversation with Al Gore today. I hesitate to talk about it as it seems a bit crude, so please understand I am only the messenger.

He thanked me for my methane gas.

He is looking for some media attention again and was talking to me about alternative energy. He has some plan where every house would either get a windmill or a cow. You'd hook up my hindquarters to your house and somehow I'd power your home with methane.

Does that look like progress to you? A cow in your yard with a tube hooked into his backside?

Please note that just like Pat Robertson does not speak for all Christians, Hillary Clinton does not speak for all women, Madonna does not speak for all people with no last name, and Jesse Jackson does not really speak for anybody anymore - I do not pretend to speak for all cows. Having said that - we really have no desire to be appreciated for our gas.

Now I understand human high school and college students may go through a phase where they are proud of their gas, but I think most grow out of it (except, I have come to understand, some husbands).

I want to be known for starting a business, for ministry, for my accomplishments, not the chemical reaction from yesterdays lunch. Which begs the question, what would we be fed? Beans? Burritos? Jalapeno peppers straight out of a jar? No thank you Mr. Gore. This cow has better things to do.

What does that have to do with the St. Louis Arch pictured above? Well, nothing, but...

I did recently parachute from the top of the arch into a pile of mashed potatoes for our new greeting card at www.fattenedcalf.com. It's for any occasion from military service to getting over mad cow disease - you decide. IN ADDITION, type the coupon code, "Energy independence requires more than wind or breaking wind!" and I will give you free shipping! Actually, I won't make you type that - I'll just give you free shipping for a limited time.

Thanks for listening. At least you appreciate me for my mind.